Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
