Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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