So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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