the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
two words...techno handjob
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
