Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize