Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
