i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize