1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
