"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
