He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
