Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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