Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
