i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
