is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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