every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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