oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
