How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
