Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
