it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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