still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
