I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
