very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
