I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
