I just made out with a guy for $7.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
