don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
