Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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