dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
