Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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