I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
