The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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