Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize