I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
