We won't sleep together?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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