I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
