Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
