My room smells like vodka and shame
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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