I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
