do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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