yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
