dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
