i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
