you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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