I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
