And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
