Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
