i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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