Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
