I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
