never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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