I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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