Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
