i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Randomize
