The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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