I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
