if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
accomplished twins. life is a go
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
