there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
