i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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