Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
