i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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