i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
