sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Im part way to drunk.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
