Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
