my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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