He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
