I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
