yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
