Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
