and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
