Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
