Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
