Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
