i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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