Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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