Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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