btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
