He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
