i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
